


To Those Left Behind

by The_Jade_Goblin



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec, all the malec, its sad but its sweet you know?, spoilers for episode 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 09:49:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6419056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Jade_Goblin/pseuds/The_Jade_Goblin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus is feeling the pain of Ragnor's death, but the need to support Alec is battling with his need to grieve.<br/>Alec just wants to make it better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Those Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this fic by "Rome'll decline and fall again" written by the lovely elspethelf (which you can find right here http://archiveofourown.org/works/6410107) do check it out

“So, on a scale of one to ten, how unpleasant was it?”

Magnus’ voice kicked Alec out of his daze of rage that he’d been in since he walked out of the room after being lectured by his parents. Alec’s head snapped up to the warlock, as though he forgot he was even still here. His voice was soothing, a slight tone of teasing amusement that always seemed to be present in Magnus’ voice, but it was gentle and calming to Alec’s nerves.

“Off the charts.” He muttered. “Yeah, I’ve never seen them so angry,”

“Just give them some time.”

“You’re immortal, time is on your side,” Alec sighed as he stalked down the hallway. “After what I did, I don’t think they’ll ever forgive me.”

“Never underestimate a parent’s love,” Magnus said following him, though when Alec looked back at him Magnus he had the most pained expression on his face. He quirked an eyebrow.

“Yeah? What are your parents like?” he asked.

Magnus smirked darkly. “My father tried to kill me when I was eight and my mother killed herself rather than be anywhere near me. So I’m not a very good example I suppose.”

Alec gaped at the casual way in which Magnus delivered such cold information.

“Magnus I –”

“Oh it’s alright Alexander don’t look so sorry,” Magnus smiled. “It honestly hasn’t bothered me in years. Many warlocks have such sob stories. We are born with the mark of a demon, most mundanes tend to react negatively to that it’s not unexpected. But the difference between your case and mine is that your parents actually love you,”

“You think so?” Alec snorted.

“I know so.” Magnus replied simply. “They will have difficulty accepting this at first, but if they love you like they’re supposed to they will come around. This is who you are Alexander, this is who you’ve always been, even if today didn’t happen this way you would always be you. A parent who cannot accept their child for how they were born are not fit to be parents, I learned that early. It’s not your fault, okay? It was _never_ , and it _will_ _never_ be your fault.”

Alec’s eyes flickered down. He knew Magnus was right, as he usually was. He sighed, nodding slowly as he took in his words. He knew, deep down, that it wasn’t his fault. He also suspected that these were words someone told Magnus himself when he was young, questioning why his parents did what they did, blaming himself as Alec was blaming himself now. How sad Magnus’ childhood must have been. The thought made Alec frown.

“Hey now what’s that look for?” Magnus took a step towards him, lifting his hand up to Alec’s chin, but not letting his fingers touch his skin, instead using his magic to tilt Alec’s head back up so he could look into his eyes.

“I’m just thinking…” Alec murmured. “Your life must have been so sad that’s all.”

“Because of my parents?” Magnus blinked, as though he couldn’t comprehend why Alec would look upset at the thought of his life being sad. “Not really, not at all. I made my own happiness, it wasn’t all bad. But this isn’t about me Alexander, are _you_ alright?”

“I’m…not sure.” Alec frowned.

“You don’t regret it, do you?” Magnus looked worried, playing with his fingers nervously.

“Everything happened so fast…I haven’t had time to think.” Alec sighed.

He didn’t look angry with Magnus, but that wasn’t exactly what Magnus would call a positive response. He bit his lip slightly. Alec seemed to pick up on that, and immediately reached out to grab his hand, bringing it up to his lips to kiss it.

“That doesn’t mean I regret it Magnus,” he said with a small smile, lowering Magnus’ hand but not letting it go. “It just means I’m a little…overwhelmed.”

“Understandable,” Magnus smiled, breathing out a sigh of relief. “We were quite the spectacle after all. But maybe we should slow things down, start with that date you owe me?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.” Alec smiled. “I’d like that.”

“So would I. Even if you’re a disaster, it means I at least get you away from screaming judgmental parents for an evening, so it’s a win-win for me,” Magnus said.

Alec laughed at that. A short, breathless sort of laugh that made his smile reach his eyes and did curious things to Magnus’ heart. Despite everything, he looked truly happy in that moment, happier than Magnus had yet to see him. He could be content with that happiness in Alec’s face, even if he was still too overwhelmed to return the depth of his feelings.

An opening of a door distracted Magnus from Alec’s beautiful smile for a moment, and his heart lurched when he saw an image of Ragnor disappearing around the corner. Painfully, his happy high came down with a thud as he remembered his friend was still lying dead somewhere outside of London. Alec had distracted him from his grief for a few hours, but he couldn’t stay here forever, as much as he wanted to.

“Alexander, I…” Magnus looked back to Alec, whose smile turned to a frown of concern at the look on Magnus’ face. “I hate to leave you so soon and in such a state, but…I…”

“You need to go?” Alec’s tone was understanding, but there was a sadness there that kept him assured that Alec _wanted_ him to stay.

“I need to go through Ragnor’s belongings…the death of London’s High Warlock won’t go unnoticed for long. There are people to tell…arrangements to be made…”

“I understand.” Alec said instantly. “Jace told me about Ragnor…I’m so sorry Magnus,”

“Don’t be. I’m immortal, death isn’t new to me.” Magnus tried to remain cold and unhurt, but it wasn’t working and they both knew that. “He was my oldest friend. For centuries he knew me like no one else did. And now he’s gone. Just like that…”

Alec stepped forward when Magnus’ voice broke, and he had him in his arms before he could start crying. Alec felt pain in his heart like he’d never felt, and he realised his heart was hurting because Magnus was in pain. He hurt when Jace hurt, he hurt when Izzy hurt, but it was nothing compared to the pain he felt when Magnus was hurting.

“You know if you need to cry, I’m here.” Alec murmured, unable to resist placing a comforting kiss into Magnus’ hair. “You don’t have to be strong all the time.”

“I can’t do that,” Magnus sighed, reluctantly pulling away from Alec. “You have too many of your own problems right now and I –”

“You’ve always helped me with my problems when no one else would. When no one else could.” Alec interrupted. “Even now you’re trying to help me, but you need help as well. I want to help you for once,”

“You don’t have to –”

“Magnus if we’re going to do this…if we’re going to be an _us,_ I’m going to do it right. And that means being there for you when you need me. That’s what people do isn’t it? You’ve done everything to help me and support me, now it’s my turn. I want to be there for you as well, and right now you’re grieving, you need that support.”

Alec always looked so passionate when he talked about something important to him. It sent shivers up Magnus’ spine. Just looking into his eyes the warlock knew he meant every word he said. He was serious about being a good partner to Magnus, serious about taking care of him, being there for him, _caring_ for him. It was more than Magnus had had with anyone before.

“Thank you Alexander,” he whispered, not knowing what else to say. “But warlocks…we don’t handle grief the same way as mortals. I need to be alone with Ragnor’s things for a while, so I can think. I’ll be alright.”

“Are you sure?” Alec placed his hands on Magnus’ shoulders gently, still looking concerned.

Magnus nodded. Alec leaned down and brushed his lips over Magnus’ forehead, letting them linger there tenderly, before drawing away.

“Everything’ crazy right now, but if you need me, call me. I’ll come straight to you, no matter what’s happening I’ll come to you. Okay?”

Magnus swallowed the lump in his throat, and crushed the urge to tell Alec he loved him _so damn much,_ knowing that was too much and too soon.

“Okay.” He said instead. “I’ll call you if I need you, I promise.”   

Alec kissed him instead of saying goodbye. Magnus considered the new form of farewell much more pleasing, so he didn’t mind. Despite Alec’s turmoil, it was clear he wasn’t in any way regretting his choosing Magnus in that kiss, that kiss was just as passionate and loving as the first. It left Magnus a little dazed, just as the first one had, and Alec let out an amused smile at the dreamy look on Magnus’ face when he pulled away. Magnus felt himself beam up at Alec, unable to stop smiling after his lips left his.

They parted ways, with a promise to see each other soon. Alec made Magnus promise to call him when he got home to let him know how he was doing. Magnus wasn’t sure how to feel about his concern. No one had ever cared about his own wellbeing like this before. No one but Ragnor and Cat had ever worried about how Magnus was feeling. Alec’s genuine concern for Magnus made it hard to breathe, the warlock dizzy from the drug that was Alexander Lightwood.

In the end, he never called Alec. He should have guessed the Shadowhunter's concern would send him to his door.

 

 

 

Alec knocked on the door to Magnus’ loft, but got no answer.

“Magnus?” Alec knocked on the door again, but again received no answer.

This was worrying.

“Magnus it’s me Alec,” he said knocking again.

Then suddenly the door gently swung open by itself as if by magic, and Alec took that as a sign he could come in. Alec headed inside, the interior pitch black but not for a few stray lamps lighting the way. It was almost midnight now. Alec was maybe worrying a little too much, but he just didn’t know what to do with all the intense feelings he had for Magnus, and he needed to be near him, especially when Magnus was breaking apart over Ragnor.

He found Magnus in his spare room, which was once bare but now was covered in various objects belonging to Ragnor Fell. Magnus was surrounded by a pile of things, sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chest, arms folded over the top, his head buried in them. He was still wearing the same clothes from the wedding. He looked so small, surrounded by piles of objects both ancient and new.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered, and picked his way carefully through the stuff to Magnus.

When he reached him, he crouched down beside him and gently wrapped his arms around his shaking form. Magnus startled and looked up, his expression confused and lost. His makeup was smudged down his face and his cheeks were wet with tears. It broke Alec’s heart to see him like this.

“Alexander…” Magnus’ voice trembled, and filled with tears, before suddenly he was crying in Alec’s arms, sobbing into his shoulder, shaking against his frame and struggling to breathe.

“Sshh, it’s okay Magnus, it’s okay,” Alec murmured against his hair as he held the warlock to him.

It could have been his imagination, but Alec swore he saw a man with horns by the door out the corner of his eye. Didn't Ragnor have horns? He shook his head and concentrated on Magnus, continuing to murmur into his ear and stroke his back gently as he cried.

Eventually, Magnus calmed. He sighed against Alec, the weight on his shoulders finally easing up a bit. He had never been held while he cried before – unless you counted Ragnor’s awkward patting and Cat’s face-hugs – he’d never realised how good it felt to have someone there while you grieved. He owed Alec for that.

Alec wordlessly used his sleeve to wipe away the tears and smudged makeup on Magnus’ face, pressing his lips to his forehead, his free hand still rubbing small circles on Magnus’ back comfortingly. Magnus felt warm from the inside out.

“Thank you,” he whispered, voice slightly hoarse from crying.

“Anything you need,” Alec murmured.

Magus shifted to rest his head on Alec’s shoulder, Alec’s arm slipping down to wrap around his waist and pull him closer. He found himself looking around at all the belongings in the room. Each one told a story, a story as ancient as time. There was such a mystery about the objects in the room, objects that truly spoke a lifetime of memories for one as old and powerful as Ragnor Fell.

“You would have liked Ragnor.” Magnus murmured. “You two are alike.”

“We are?” Alec glanced back down at Magnus.

“Ragnor was always prickly on the outside, and difficult to get to know, but once you got close to him, that man would do anything for you. Anything to protect you, anything to see you happy. Even if he was a bit off-putting sometimes, you knew you could depend on him when you needed help.” Magnus sighed then, closing his eyes.

“I’m sorry I’ll never get the chance to meet him.” Alec said quietly. “He was so important to you,”

“He was my best friend.” Magnus said listlessly. “Though don’t tell Catarina I said that, she’ll get all put-out with me.”

Alec rested his head on Magnus’, squeezing him gently. “Tell me about him.”

Magnus sighed. “We all lived together for a time in Peru, me, Cat and Ragnor. Peru is my favourite place in the world but Ragnor always preferred England, it was quieter he said, less commotion. I’d go with him to stay in his estate but I always went back to Peru – I was a party animal like that, I couldn’t stay away from the excitement for long – quiet solitude was never my style. I’m not quite sure how Ragnor and I even became friends now I think about it, our tastes are so different.”

“You can’t remember how you became friends?” Alec asked amused.

“That was several centuries ago, the details are fuzzy.” Magnus defended. “And with the amount of lies I tell everyone about my age and my experiences I honestly get confused myself half the time.”

Alec chuckled.

“You two would have been fast friends.” Magnus said. “You both would have teased me relentlessly. Ragnor gives the best advice, you can thank him that I even went to your wedding.”

Alec reached over with his other hand to grasp Magnus’, lacing their fingers together.

“You came because of Ragnor’s advice?” he asked, confused.

“You remember Camille yes?” Magnus murmured. “I loved her once, a great deal, but she didn’t love me. When our relationship fell apart my heart was broken, I stopped feeling emotion of any kind to protect myself. Ragnor told me that one day I’d find someone that would get underneath the walls I put around myself. I told him he was crazy. He said one day I would find someone I could love, that could love me back, and when I did I had to fight for it, not give up on it. I was so ready to give up on you, but I remembered what he told me, and I couldn’t.”

“Then I’m grateful for him,” Alec said, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Magnus’ hand. “And I won’t break your heart.”

“Better not, I have friends in high places that’ll want revenge if you do,” Magnus smirked.

Alec chuckled as Magnus’ eyes roamed over the various things in the room.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Alec asked gently.

“You’re already doing it,” Magnus smiled. “I couldn’t have asked for better.”

Alec kissed him. His kisses were getting more frequent, and Magnus for one was not complaining. Alec had never been very good with words after all, and now he had discovered another way of conveying his feelings to Magnus, one Magnus was happy to oblige.

“Need me to stay? I want to make sure you’re okay.” Alec said pulling away.

Someone stop him before he married this man on the spot. Magnus smiled and reached up to cup Alec’s face, but paused before his hand got there, not wanting to touch if it wasn’t wanted. Alec however leaned his face down into Magnus’ hand, letting him know it was okay.

“You never touch me on your own,” he murmured.

“This is new to you, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Magnus said.

“You could never make me uncomfortable. Embarrassed yeah, uncomfortable no.” Alec replied.

Magnus chuckled. “I’ll keep that I mind. And as much as I would love to be selfish and ask you to stay, at the moment your place is at the Institute. I’ll be alright.”

“You’re allowed to be selfish Magnus,” Alec sighed. “But if you don’t need me I’ll go. I want to check on Lydia as well.”

“Give her my love won’t you?” Magnus said as Alec got to his feet and helped the warlock up. “I have much to thank her for after all.”

“I will. Goodnight Magnus, don’t do anything stupid.” Alec couldn’t resist kissing Magnus’ forehead again.

Magnus was beginning to like their height difference.

“The only stupid thing I’m going to be doing is drinking too much,” Magnus said. “But thank you for the concern. Goodnight Alexander,”

With a smile, Alec reluctantly left Magnus to the room full of memory and ancient objects, the warlock turning to face Ragnor’s belonging with grim determination. He heard the door close, and he sighed, smiling slightly at the thought of Alec. He made the right decision today. He had to believe that.

“Well you look happier now,”

Magnus spun around to see Ragnor lounging on his couch. He wasn’t surprised. Whether Ragnor was a spirit or a figment of his imagination, it was good to see him.

“Spying on me Ragnor? You know I hate being watched,” he smirked.

“Well I can’t just leave my dear friend to wallow in misery without checking on him can I?” Ragnor shrugged. “But, that smile of yours suits you much better. That boy will be good for you I think,”

“You were right Ragnor.” Magnus said. “About fighting for love,”

“Of course I was.” Ragnor smiled. “If only you’d take my advice more often. I want you to promise me something Magnus,”

“Anything my friend,” Magnus replied instantly.

“Hold on to that boy.” Ragnor leaned back against the couch, looking to the ceiling. “I’ve seen love in its many forms, and seen you yourself in love many times. But this is something different. Something greater. I want you to hold onto that Magnus. Never let go of it.”

“I won’t,” Magnus’s voice wobbled, and his eyes flickered down.

“Now now, no more tears my old friend,” he could feel Ragnor’s hand on his shoulder, warm and comforting as though he were alive. “Just be happy. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

When Magnus looked up, Ragnor was gone, an empty space where he had been. Magnus sighed, holding a hand to the shoulder Ragnor was previously touching. It was cold. His phone buzzed in his pocket then, and curiously he took it out, a smile unconsciously coming to his face when he read Alec’s name over the text.

_So date right? Friday night? I’ll try to be less of a stuttering mess._

Magnus laughed. It felt good to laugh. Even with all the pain Magnus was feeling, Alec didn’t have to do hardly anything to make him smile again. He texted back.

_Love to. Pick me up at 7pm. And I like it when you’re a stuttering mess, it’s cute._

He smiled as he left the room to go make himself a drink. Maybe Ragnor was right, maybe Alec would be good for him. And he sure as hell wasn’t letting him go now.


End file.
